


Every Man of Us Is an Island, but Some of Us Bring Lifeboats

by Deisderium



Series: The First Rule of Book Club [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book Club, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Is Trying To Figure Out That He Needs A Hug, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Does Not Make It Awkward With Book Club, Bucky Reads Romance, But He Does Want More Book Recs, Continuing Fluff, Look Books Got A Lot Sexier Since 1943, M/M, Or Possibly the D, Pining, Wildly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deisderium/pseuds/Deisderium
Summary: Bucky reads a romance. Falling in love looks easy when it's someone else.(This takes place between We All of Us Have Our Demons and Book Club reading A Wizard of Earthsea.)(There are no major spoilers for Serving Pleasure by Alisha Rai.)





	Every Man of Us Is an Island, but Some of Us Bring Lifeboats

At this point, Janelle isn't worried about James completely noping out of Book Club because they're reading a romance this month. He is not that kind of guy. But she does mention--to everyone, not just him--that there's a lot more sexual content in this month's book, so if anyone feels weird about it, they can skip this month. She thinks he might; being Book Club's only dude never seems to bother him, but they aren't usually talking about sex stuff. 

Danika, whose book this is, visibly barely manages to restrain herself from steepling her fingers like Dr. Evil. "Y'all are going to love this," she says. 

And Janelle does love it. She has never read any Alisha Rai before  _Serving Pleasure_ , but wow, she will be correcting that lack in her life on the double because this book was good and it was scorching hot. She can't wait for the discussion.

*

Bucky is having some kind of epiphany. He can't quite figure out what the fuck it actually is, but it definitely has to do with the book. 

The book is just so  _open_ about everything that is difficult. All the feelings are right there where you can look at them instead of pulled up from dead, frozen ground. The characters examine their emotions and know what they are, and then address them. Mostly by talking. Sometimes by fucking. It's a struggle on the page for them to come together, but from where he stands it looks so easy.

Rana is comfortable in her body. She knows she is attractive. Beautiful. He felt that way once. He remembers it, sort of. But it is like working a jigsaw puzzle blindfolded to try and summon that feeling. Once he slicked pomade through his hair and tied his tie just so, and knew that he'd dance with someone tonight. Hands resting on his shoulder, at his waist, the pleasant sweat of exertion and the heat of two bodies close together, and the yeasty taste of beer cut with cigarette smoke. Did he dance with Steve? If he didn't--why not, when it was so easy? Why would he wait until now, when everything is difficult? Dr. Goldstein has told him to ask Steve when he has questions about the past. But it's so much harder for him than it is for the characters in the book. 

He is more like Micah. Haunted by violence in his past. Uncomfortable with the gap between who he is and who he was. But even with his scars, Micah is something beautiful in Rana's eyes. Bucky has looked where his metal arm meets the flesh of his torso, and it is like running candlewax. He doesn't look at it often because it makes him feel sick, and he has enough trouble keeping food down. He can't imagine that Steve would find him beautiful. He can't ask. This is a hard question too. Questions are difficult. What if they are answered? 

Bodies are difficult too. He tries to imagine how he would fit his body against Steve's, if he tried so do some of the things in the book. How would it work? But, damn. What if it did?

And bodies are  _hard_. Jesus, this book is bluer than a Tijuana bible. He doesn't remember the last time he paid this much attention to his dick's antics. 

He's not going to discuss that aspect with Book Club, but there are definitely things he is going to bring up. If there's one thing he's sure of, it's that Book Club can find him more books like this one. 

*

James has not missed a meeting of Book Club yet, and Janelle is pleased to see him at this one too, not even looking like he is braced for awkwardness. Just like usual, he has his copy of the book tucked under his left elbow. She's a little surprised to see a few sticky notes marking particular pages. 

Since it's her book, Danika leads off the discussion. She likes the book because of the romance, but also because of Rana's issues with her family's expectations and the box she puts herself in trying to meet them, and how she truly finds happiness once she lets that go. 

Nods all around. Kimiko is impressed with Micah's journey though his own trauma and how he reclaims parts of his life. James doesn't meet anyone's eyes as he mutters something about Micah's thing about the food being really well-written. He is clearly not required to tell Book Club about what happened to his arm, but Janelle pushes the snack tray a little closer to him once the conversation has moved on. 

Jo says, "So, the sex scenes were really well written--" 

"Really well-written--" Clara interjects. 

"--but what impressed me the most was the arc of the love story as they realized that they meant more to each other than just their chemistry," Jo finishes. 

James clears his throat. "I was actually a little concerned about how their relationship started. Rana was basically a peeping tom. But every time they got together after that, Rai was really deliberate in establishing that they were both on the same page."

"Consent!" Danika exclaims. "There's so much about consent in this book, thank you." 

James sits back thoughtfully, and pops a stuffed grape leaf into his mouth as the discussion continues. 

James lingers while everyone else leaves, and once it's just him and Janelle, he says, "So, if I wanted to read more books like this, could you help me find some?" 

Janelle pours them both one last glass of wine because there's not that much left in the bottle and she's just so damn tickled that Mr. Built Like a Brick Shithouse liked the romance novel so much he wants more. "I can definitely help you find some. Tell me more about what you liked about it. There are a metric fuckton of romance novels out there, so there's bound to be a bunch of the kind you like." 

"Consent," he says immediately, and the amusement drains out of her as fast as air out of a pricked balloon, although thankfully without the noise. She has thought about James's possible trauma in relation to his prosthetic arm. The thought that she might need to revise--or expand--that thought curdles her stomach enough that she sets down her glass. "That's what Danika said, right? I liked how much they were both very clear about what was okay and what wasn't." 

"Yeah." Janelle clears her throat and tries again. "I can definitely find you some books that are specific about that. You might want to stay away from older books in the genre, though. Just as a head's up." 

"Okay." James picks up the book and consults one of his sticky notes. "The other thing I liked about this book was about how much of it was about the interiority of the character. If that makes sense? There's a lot of focus on the emotions." 

"Well, that's gonna be most romances," Janelle says briskly. "Did you like that this one was contemporary? Would you like ones set in different time periods? Or with magic? Or spaceships? Did you like reading about one man and one woman, or would you want to read about multiple people, or two men or two women?" 

James's eyes have gone extremely wide. Maybe Janelle sprang too many options on him all at once. "Spaceships?" he says weakly. "I like spaceships." Then he rallies. "I like history too. Whenever. I don't really care about who the main characters are. I mean. Men. Women. Whoever. I just." He taps the cover of the book. "I haven't read anything like this before. It's all so  _right there._ " 

"Well, I can definitely get you a list of more to read," she says firmly. 

He lifts up his glass and clinks against hers. "Here's to romance." 

*

Janelle emails Bucky a list the next day. He is grateful; he has a lot of reading to do.


End file.
